Texting while stupid
Via Hasta Los Gatos Quieren Zapatos (which, for inexplicable reasons, comes up with a warning that it contains “questionable” content… which seems to be an attempt to censor the not in the least dubious, or even salacious writers, Leesee and Reenee. It’s ok to proceed) from the Tampa Tribune:
Wikler Moran-Mora texted his wife to say he had been kidnapped and wouldn’t be let go until he gave his captors money.
His worried wife called law enforcement.
…
After a full-scale manhunt, deputies tracked him down. Turns out, it was a hoax – Moran-Mora faked his kidnapping so he could cheat on his wife…
This story deserves an abundance of snark, and Moran-Mora is rightly called a bonehead.
I don’t have the source anymore, but back when Colombia was the world champion in kidnapping, some studies showed that a surprisingly high percentage of them were either creative pre-divorce asset redistribution (soon to be ex-wives would arrange their own fake kidnappings), children extorting money from their parents, or other attempts to resolve domestic disputes.
In Mexico, which is now supposed to be #1 in that particular area of crime, there are from time to time reports on similarly stupid interfamilial extortions (one made the news when it went horribly wrong, and the “junior” [upper crust twit] ended up getting killed for real by his prep school buddies). Moran-Mora might have gotten away with it if kidnapping wasn’t a still fairly rare crime in the United States.
Also, given that much of the economy here involves businesses that cannot turn to the law to settle disputes, “kidnapping” is sometimes a business tool. I gave English classes for a time to a group that factored debts (made loans against outstanding receivables) who talked about the small business owner who hadn’t made the payroll just before a holiday weekend, and was “kidnapped” … er, not allowed to leave the company parking lot … until he paid up.
Or, is simply a catch-all criminal offense. Besides including other things like shoving someone into an ATM booth at knifepoint which might be called “armed robbery” in the United States, kidnapping (“secuestro”) is charged when little old ladies stand off against cops raiding their pirate CD stands, or campesinos interfere with police officers during demonstrations.
Or, guys coming up with a new and different excuse for being late for dinner…
mexfiles.net 
Sheesh. I always knew some guys are ruled by their little heads, but that’s ridiculous. What a well deserved come-uppance, LOL!
On a more serious note, I’m reading a scholarly book right now on old Ontario laws governing unwed parenthood. One thing that keeps jumping off the page at me is how often the men got off scot-free for knocking someone up. The law was more geared to punishing women for illicit sex than making sure out-of-wedlock children got support. Women were damned if they didn’t and damned if they did; if they kept their children they were “bad” mothers for working to support them, whereas if they gave them up for adoption (assuming the babies were perfect and white) they were seen as “loving”! Naturally, the Children’s Aid Society spent a lot of time and resources trying to get women to give babies up for adoption, rather than supporting unwed mothers financially or helping them get child support from their impregnators.
And worse, if a man had an out of wedlock child that he had initially agreed to support, all bets were off when he married and had “legitimate” children subsequently. He only had to pay what he could afford, not what the mother needed to raise the child properly–and if he had “legitimate” kids and a wife to support, they came first, even if they came later. But what really pissed me off the most was the case of one woman who was denied child support by her married lover, even after he’d spent a small fortune seducing her! Suddenly his wife and “legitimate” kids were more important. This Other Woman made sure the court knew of the injustice, even if the judge was unwilling to find for her.
Maybe this particular turd who faked his kidnapping was also trying to free up extra pocket money from his spouse for his hike on the Appalachian Trail. Wouldn’t surprise me a bit if he were. Nothing surprises me anymore…