Narco-corridos, Miniskirts and St. Alexius

In mentioning that I had difficulty finding Jornada on newsstands here in Mazatlan,  I said one factor  is that political conservatives control the debate here.  Esther (From Xico) asked me if I had any thoughts as to WHY this might be true in Sinaloa, though I admit I’ve never given it much thought.  Off the top of my head, the only thing I can think of is that we are a historically isolated state, with access either through the very dangerous Devil’s Backbone (not paved until the 1960s), or from the south, along the coast.  As a seaport, Mazatlan has never been as international as some ports further south, and the state’s political culture tends to be rather in-bred.  There probably are other states where that holds true, but it’s the best explanation I can come up with.

The state being controlled by PRI as much by inertia as anything else, I was somewhat in favor of the “left-right” coalition that took control of the state and municipal governments, although I had qualms about the candidates themselves.  The Governor, Mario Lopez Valdez (aka “Malova”) is a right-wing PRI pol, turned PANista.  At the municipal level, here in Mazatlan and elsewhere in the state, the PAN municipal presidents seem to have jettisoned their leftist supporters and are pursuing a their own agenda.

Not that this is so different than other places.  In the United States and Canada, voters have been fed up with political inertia and — with a healthy assist from more conservative media — have elected some real bone-headedly reactionary leaders who marketed themselves as “outsiders” promising “change”, but upon taking office began to pursue a quasi-religious social agenda that is not the sort of change the voters bargained for.  Nor is it unusual for voters (and other citizens) to suspect that the conservatives carve out “special rights” for their favored rich constituents.  Nor for the politicos to try to change the subject by blaming a social problem on irrelevant social trends.

What is different about Sinaloa, is the influence of our … um… “unlicensed agricultural export and military-grade hardware import” trade.  Despite the best work (and perhaps truth) of commentators like Malcolm Beith, the sense that conservatives at the national level tacitly support these Sinaloan “free traders” is not going to go away.

In translating Martin Velez, “De narcocorridos, minifaldas y la oración a San Alejo” (La Convención Sinaloa), I had to take liberties with the text, especially in the prayer at the end (although it makes about as much sense in my version as in the original) just to preserve some semblance of the rhyme and meter.

There are numerous jocular prayers to Saint Alexius (San Alejo in Spanish), who seems to be the perfect patron saint for “ni-nis” (ni trabajo, ni escula… unemployed youths not attending school… “slackers” in U.S. parlance), having been a wealthy Roman who abandoned his wife on his wedding night to become a holy beggar for many years   — a sort of Christianized guru — before he returned to Rome to live incognito his parents’ house as a sort of charity case.

There is a chorus to one of the many corridos about Chapo Guzman that goes [in my rough translation]:

“Many there are who seek,
And many who help him hide
In the cities, the hills and the dales,
are those that protect the Chief.
If you want to know where he passes
—  talk to dude with the glasses”

Little bald guy in glasses and three other people

But who could the “dude with the glasses” be?, I mean who exactly is that guy who knows where Chapo is?   Hmmm … lets see, could he be, as in the memorable phase of Manuel Espino, the fellow described as “a little bald guy in glasses”?

Another popular corrido, Pacas de a Kilo, by Los Tigres, has the line, “My farm gives me bales, and the pines give me shade.” Where are these pines that provide so much shade.  Hmmmmm… Los Pinos must be very high, for their shadow to cover Sinaloa.

What a pity that such interesting questions on forthcoming issues that arise from the inexhaustible creative flair of narcocorrido composers can no longer be asked.  The governor of Sinaloa, in a fit of genius, decided to prohibit those same narcocorridos that we so blithely danced to during his campaign (videos available on the internet). He’s hitting the narcos where it will hurt the most:  in their monotonous popular songs.  This brilliant move by the Governor of Sinaloa has been applauded by the federal government. Calderon [National Security] spokesman Alejandro Poire twittered, “Good for Malova!”. applauding the tremendous blow no the narcos, which are on the verge of collapse. Well played, Governor Malova, well played indeed!

Good ideas are springing up all over Sinaloa.  Malova’s example has been followed by the mayor of Navolato, who – proving there is no shortage of genuis in the state –  decided to attack the problem of teenage pregnancy with a bold and infallible remedy:  banning miniskirts! This municipal president, who should not be forced to wallow in anonymity, brought into the light a problem we all know all too well: that Mexico is a nation of male victims of the infinite evil of those women who, knowing the weaknesses of the flesh, revel in displaying their enticing parts.   In such cases, the innocent males are propelled towards them, often violently.  If these women are molested, if they are raped, if they become pregnant – they have no one to blame but themselves.  Sinners!  Alas, as the gift of genius is not always perfect, Navaloto’s municipal president forgets to protect men against that other terrifying weapon:  the revealing neckline, that show the path to a false Eden (without which there is no paradise).  The only complete solution to the entire problem is the burka.

Any time now, we can expect someone to come forward with a solution to bullying.  If studious children, the so called “nerds” are victims of increasingly violent bullying, then the solution is at hand:  stop studying!  If these kids would stop being nerds, they would no longer have to blame their violent peers for being forced to pick on them in self-defense.

Nor will it be that long before someone proposes a solution to discrimination based on skin color.  If those of dusky hued epidermis do not want to be discriminated against, they should stop being dark.  If Michael Jackson could be bleached, it shouldn’t be all that hard.  Surely the secret is stored somewhere.  Even if it may have been what put the “King of Pop” in a premature grave, surely the secret was buried with him.

To end these notes:  Attuned to these politicians that surprise us with such bold measures as proof of their greatness, your correspondent proposes this simple solution to the problems of the whole nation.  All Mexicans will pray, at the same time, in every church, the following prayer to Saint Alejo:

Oh merciful Saint Alexius,
You learned so many ancient tricks:
Like sorting crawfish from crabs, you know,
Or from a mile off predicting where the rabbits go —
Help us in our present imbroglio
Free us from our govern-hicks.
And save us from these stupid pricks!